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Bert Schnick

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Bert Schnick is a supposedly blind and flaky Austrian and the host of DTV's "Marriage Maze" as seen in Shock Treatment.


Shock Treatment

Bert hosts DTV's "Marriage Maze" a game show that's only purpose seems to be permitting people to "Dentonvale". He chooses Brad and Janet Majors to be his next contestants, and he promises that the experience will improve their marriage. On the show, Bert makes Janet question the state of her and Brad's relationship, ending with Janet ultimately deciding her to commit her husband to "Dentonvale" ("Bitchin' in the Kitchen").

Meanwhile, also on "Marriage Maze", Bert has Janet's parents as contestants on the show. He promises a prize if they can offer a psychological assessment of Brad. The Weises decide that Brad is regressing back to childhood, so Bert awards them a new home on DTV's "Happy Homes".


At "Dentonvale", Bert informs Cosmo and Nation McKinley that the financing for their show has been taken over by Farley Flavors so he can create his new show, "Faith Factory". While watching a videotape, they are persuaded, and under Farley's orders, agree to recruit Janet to be the face of the new show ("Farley's Song").

After a fully-sighted Bert is caught starring at Janet showering, he, along with the McKinleys, make her a black dress and give her a makeover ("Little Black Dress"). Janet is transformed into a overnight sensation on DTV, but the fame goes to her head, causing her to forget about Brad's well being ("Me of Me"). To prevent her from snapping back to reality, Bert and the McKinleys begin drugging Janet to keep her manageable.

Bert, Janet, and her parents, visit Brad in the terminal ward, and the Weisses question the Dentonvale staff on their abilities of helping Brad. The Dentonvale staff demonstrate their abilities by "curing" Bert's blindness with shock treatment ("Shock Treatment").


A "cured" Bert

At the "Faith Factory" premier, Bert and the McKinleys watch as Brad, Betty, and Judge Wright crash through the set wall disrupting the entire show, Brad confronting his brother Farley ("Duel Duet"), and Janet snapping back to her own ego and getting shunned from the stage with the others. After Janet, Brad, and the others flee the studio ("Anyhow, Anyhow"), Bert, the McKinleys, and Farley celebrate just having committed the entire DTV audience to the terminal ward at "Dentonvale" ("Denton U.S.A. reprise").


Bert Schnick has solos in:

  • "Little Black Dress"


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